Don't Worry Syria, Bollywood Hai Na!

The war in Syria is one of those pivotal events that can forever change the course of history. And as is the case with any of these major events, there are many players involved, pursuing their selfish interests, trying to make things go their way. With all these pulls and pushes, it becomes impossible for common folks like us to follow the plot. Who's the good guy, who's the bad guy, what are they fighting over, and who'll get he girl in the end, these are questions we want answers to. But big media has its own agenda and keeps us in the dark. 

That's where Bollywood and I come in. Bollywood is a great explainer. The most complex of issues can be simplified by applying the Bollywood paradigm. So shall we now examine the Syria situation with our Bollywood lens? Cool, here goes...

Think of Syria as the hapless heroine. Too attractive for her own good. Uski apni jawani uss ki sabse badi dushman hai. She's so damn sexy, that the mere sight of her makes men overcome with lust. She goes around her village, wearing her tight choli and ghagra, singing and dancing with innocent lambs, attracting lust, unaware of the evil eyes upon her. She's had many suitors in the past, and is now ripe for marriage.

The ISIS is the lecherous, horny villain who wants her at any cost. He's a rapist and a murderer and is now doing whatever he can to make her his. He's been propped up by the local zamindaar to terrorise the common people into submission and obey his will. 

Saudi Arabia is that zamindar. 

Assad is the kabile ka sardar, also the heroine's father. He's no longer strong, but he knows that his daughter is in danger and that he may not be able to fight off unwelcome advances on her for too long.
America and NATO are the sarkari machinery. They mostly look the other way and actually want the Sardar to vacate the village. They'll even allow his daughter to be violated if it serves their purpose. 

Looks pretty grim, right? It is! But just when you thought all is lost in this dark story, in comes Russia! Like Dharmendra, or Mithun, or Amitabh coming in on their bikes and smashing the villains to smithereens. The Russians, riding their Sukhois, swinging fists, blazing guns, are here to rescue the heroine. 

They've made a grand entry and are beating up the villain and his henchmen, just when the heroine had been forcibly taken to the temple and the villain was making the priest read the mantras to solemnize the wedding. 

The sarkari afsars are looking around, twiddling their thumbs since their plans have been laid to waste by the dynamic hero. The zamindar also looks unhappy but can't really take on the hero coz he's strong and his chest hair is showing out of his mostly unbuttoned shirt, the symbol of Bollywood virility!

Where's India in all of this? We're the public, watching this movie in the theatre (or via an illegal download), chomping on popcorn, nachos, and watered down Coke. 
Quite an exciting story and let's see how it plays out and what the climax will be. How it ends will have an impact on us, the passive audience, so you better watch out! Picture abhi baaki hai mere dost!